10 years today, who would have known time would fly by so quickly. I remember the last time I visited you I danced around the hospital room to cheer you up and see you smile again. I kept talking and dancing scared of what the silence might bring, to see you so small and exhausted. It broke my heart, and to this day it still does. It got to the point where I couldn’t fathom what you were facing, what you were battling, and I couldn’t go anymore. Finally when my mom sat us down on the couch that morning to say you were gone, I have never felt something so devastating and breaking in that moment. I felt sick and wept for days, I had never felt something so exhausting and relentless like knowing you were gone.
11 years, I got to spend with the most amazing woman. From day 1 you were there, and until my last day I know you’ll still be by my side. My Nana was the most influential person in my life, without a doubt.
She taught me how be kind, creative, and have an insatiable love for life. I took her for granted, and didn’t understand just how much she influenced me until now. Growing up she was always there. Regardless the time, the weather, or the circumstance she never failed me. I was a kid with a mushroom cut (she said it was cute), the handmade floral jumpsuits (she made them all by hand), and matching hairpiece (they were too cute), bruises on my knees (she always picked me up), and a certain spunk (I like to think I got it from her). But I didn’t understand then what I understand now.
My sister and I spent hours, days, nights, and months following her around trying to keep up with her. Camping for months, learning to kayak and swim, going outside, learning to bake, reading, sewing and knitting, making jam, skiing, the good times truly never ended. There wasn’t a day where we didn’t learn something new or be outside. I guess that’s why to this day I can’t bare the thought of wasting a day indoors or not finding and learning something new.
I am writing this with tears in my eye’s. I remember in a drunken state a few years ago thinking, Nana wouldn’t be proud of me or who I am. I am a mess. But here I am, 21 and in another country pursuing my passions, and following my ultimate goal. I know she would be proud, because I have turned into what she raised me to be. Just like my childhood – always rough around the edges, but a heart of gold and good intentions.
She raised me to be a wild flower, a passionate, active, fierce loving soul, with an insatiable wanderlust. She taught me that knitting is cool, arts and crafts never go out of style, you always have time to camp, you can never walk to far, that cooking and baking is the greatest expression, – regardless of your mood, and that travel is something everyone should pursue.
There wasn’t a day spent with her that we didn’t do something adventurous or memorable, and that’s exactly how I plan on living my life.
I fucking treasured her, and all my memories with her and I still do.
I always remembered thinking, how can someone be so amazing? And here I am today realizing I am more and more like her. She is the core of all my passions today. Everything she taught me, or showed me when I was younger are now some of my favourite things to do.
So here’s to the 11 amazing years I got to spend with you, the 10 years to follow where you stayed with me, and here’s to the future, I can only hope to become half the woman you were.
Her love was never-ending, so I thought her time with me would be to.