go back

I can remember my childhood so brightly, so when things start to get heavy, I try to go back in time and throw myself into moments that seemed so light and vivid. Time seemed endless, I seemed fearless, and not a care in the world. So when I say ‘heavy’ I mean real stuff that gets to me. Like work, routine, and the grown up stuff I despise. But as I shift my mind back to times of pure bliss and easiness, I always ask myself why. Why do I go back? Why not go forward?

 

Well that is simple.

 

When I was younger, my biggest worry was which side of the bedroom was mine, and if my Mom would make me run 10 laps around the house for being too silly (still am). But realistically, every place I visited, every feeling I felt, was undefined territory and each was a new experience in itself.

 

So now that I am grown up, everything seems to have dulled out slightly – we compare each place to the next, each feeling to the last, and each time to another relative one. But why? We have grown used to it.

 

It bothered me to settle with this, to feel things that are dull and known, and lose the wow factor in everyday things. That is why to me, travel and being outside is what keeps me heightened. Not knowing what is next, feeling fear, and constantly chasing this feeling of the unknown. That to me is what keeps me appreciating the small things, and embracing these moments of amazement too.

 

In some strange way, I regret not figuring this out before, that realizing I was going through the motions of everything but feeling blurred and numbed by the known. Not getting invested in the moment. But the past is the past, I’m just happy I had an awakening, a revelation and am forever changed by it. 

 

So with this, I dare you to go back in time and be amazed with life in general. Go back to remembering the small details, and treasuring them, get excited over everything and live. Just think, sometime in the far future you could look back on this exact moment with amazement too.

 

P.s: Some people call me immature – little do they know my secrets to why. 

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