This week, I did something I didn’t think I would have to do for a very long time. I finally finished a chapter in my life. This chapter held me captive and motionless for a few years. It challenged me, tore me apart, and wasted a lot of my time. So, naturally all this pain and hurt was a massive part in shaping me. This chapter happens to be a person… who I didn’t think would leave me ever. In fact I thought we would just be one run on sentence, and my novel would end hand in hand with him. But the thing is, I have never felt better in closure.
I feel like everybody has one of these people in their lives. They can be a friend, a lover, a family member but we hold them very near and dear to us. We open our hearts and minds to them, and no matter what we do – the outcome is hurt. But like I am guilty of so many times before, we cannot let it go. In the back of your head you always say this is the last time or my personal favourite – one more chance. Instead of dropping the knife that has cut us deeply, we grip it tighter in hopes of finding healing in the hurt. How on earth we think this will fix us, I have no idea. I am a obviously a repeat offender of this.
I am also the definition of an optimist. I want nothing but the best from people, because I believe everyone is able and willing to give us the essentials: honesty, trust, and love. But amazingly, some people don’t think like me and don’t have positive influences on our lives. (That is another chapter in itself)
So finally, out of my sheer dumb luck, I ran into him. My lingering chapter.
At first I was shocked. Then I was disappointed, I thought this wasn’t what I imagined it to be at all. It was a moment lit by awkward tension. We all play scenarios in our heads, and this certainly wasn’t the one I had made up for myself. But in all honesty, it opened my eyes in the most painful and horrible way. Finally we spoke, and when it was done. I felt numb.
People change, people out grow themselves, and they are reckless. With their feelings and yours.
As I drove away I almost felt a little numb. But for once, I stopped reading into it. I stopped questioning what everything meant and finally I felt myself letting go, and I knew that was it. This was me ending that chapter, never to be revisited again.